Today marks 1 month since I returned to Austin. Tomorrow will be
the 7th aniversary of my brother's death. I've never felt more
lost in
my life.
I've both started a new job and returned to my old one. Working
some 70 hours a week I have yet to discover any direction. I keep
reflecting on my rapidly fading trip looking for meaning and I am left
answerless. What was my journey for? What was I searching
for? What was I running away from?
I know deep down that I really wanted to challenge myself. But
could that have been everything? Was I so desperate to prove my
worth to the world that I would take such chances, push such limits,
and for what? A few dozen rapidly fading memories. Where is
the grand meaning in it all? What do I have to show for my
journey? Why the hell did I decide to ride a dirtbike solo 9,000
miles to the Panama Canal and back?
For those of you that have not personally heard from me, I made it
home! I rode the final 800 miles from San Miguel de Allende to
Austin in one sitting. The closer I got, the harder it was to
stop. I had no idea that it was possible to ride the XR for 15
hours straight. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to some much
needed time apart from the bike. I'm also going to need some time
to compile the trip in my mind as a whole, so that I can express its
overall meaning to me. For now I'm just going to enjoy being
surrounded by friends and knowing that I don't have to hop on the XR
tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone who supported me on this journey, especially those
who added to this website. I now have some pictures up on the
photo page. http://tardypizza.com/gallery2/main.php
ted
I expected to wake up with my heart in my throat out of sheer anticipation. Rather, my eyes opened and I was strangely calm. I took a quick and cold shower, turned in my key and went out to repack the bike. After weeks of repetition my muscles can do all of this without my brain intervening. This left me free to contemplate what was about to happen. Today I would attain my goal. Today I would see the Panama Canal. Why was I so calm?
More... + 5 - 1 | § ¶12/03/2005 -- SantiagoI really had no plan for the day, I didn't even know how far I wanted to go. It was only 120 miles to the Panamanian border but my relatively late start would put me there after noon. My Lonely Planet said to expect 2-3 hours delay at the busy crossing, so I might just find a small town on the Costa Rican side to stay the night, then I could get an early start in the morning.
The town of Golfito sounded promising, an ex-banana exporting hub in a little bay off of the Pacific. I could definitely use a half day of riding, especially for the last big push to Panama City. Thanks to Costa Rica's benevolent signs, I didn't miss the small turnoff onto the dirt road to Golfito.
More... + 4 - 3 | § ¶12/02/2005 -- San Isidro de General
The Nicaraguan/Costa Rican border was much like the one to the north from Honduras. I was quickly surrounded by the local youth, all of which wanted to serve as my guide through the border zone. I knew I could figure it all out on my own, just like I had several times before, but this time I was torn as to what to do. Should I save some money by brushing of the riff-raff, or should I donate some of my dollars to some kids who at least try to earn a living. It didn't matter because within 10 footsteps of leaving the XR, one of the eldest kids had attached himself to my side and wouldn't take no for an answer. One of the youngest and dirtiest kids offered to wash my bike and I couldn't help but laugh, as did the other kids. Everyone knew it was a joke and a veiled attempt to get a handout, so I handed him a few coins for the laugh. I was really just happy to be leaving Nicaragua for the time being and didn't really care if it cost me a few extra dollars.
More... + 4 - 2 | § ¶12/01/2005 -- San Juan del Sur
I would really love to go a whole day without getting lost in Central America. I figured after my 2 hour tour of Leòn last night that I would have the layout of the town sufficiently memorized. Not so. I managed to waste another hour this morning just trying to get out. The Pan American highway can be well disguised when it enters a city.
I wasn't particularly enjoying Nicaragua so far, so I decided to try and get as close to the Costa Rican border as possible. If I could make the coastal town of San Juan del Sur it would only be a quick jaunt to the frontera in the morning. But in my way stood Managua. As if Leòn wasn't bad enough, the capital city was home to many different highways leading in all directions, and none of them with large blinking signs telling me which way to turn.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/30/2005 -- Leòn
For the first time in a long time I heard my watch alarm go off at 6:15am. That meant I could actually get the early start that I always intend to and make Leòn, Nicaragua by mid-afternoon. Navigating would be straightforward today. Just follow the nice highway south to Tegucigalpa and then onto the border crossing at Los Manos. Then a few turns once inside Nicaragua and I should be back near the Pacific. Should be a long, but relatively easy 275 miles.
More... + 4 - 2 | § ¶11/29/2005 -- Siguatepeque6:30am rolled around far too quickly. I could barely see straight as I clumbsily backed the XR out into the street. Today's mission: make it as close to the Nicaraguan border as possible. I figured a quick catnap would do nothing but good, so I crawled back into bed and dozed for a few more hours.
It seems that Honduran highways try to make it as inconvenient as possible for me to reach my destination. I would have to take a zigzag path across several different roads in order to make my way south. Once I got back on the Pan American though it would be smooth sailing all the way into Nicaragua. Accomplishing this, however, would prove to be very tedious without a map.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/28/2005 -- Copàn Ruìnas
I had a fitful night of sleep last night, perhaps because my tense muscles would never allow me to relax. Regardless, I got out of bed early happy to be leaving Guatemala for an exciting destination, even if it was a little touristy. I could play the part of a tourist for the day, complete with expensive camera dangling from the neck advertising to all to come rob me.
I stopped on the outskirts of Chiquimuli to get gas and double check the directions I had in my head. Since my map had gone missing I would have to rely on the locals even more to make sure I stay on the right highway and never ever take another secondary road.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/27/2005 -- ChiquimuliWhat do they say about those who fail to learn history? That they are doomed to repeat it? I really have to find out who "they" are because they're making me look like an idiot. And that's something I don't need any help with.
Within 15 minutes of leaving Quetzaltenango, I knew it was going to be slow going. My goal for the day was to make it through Guatemala City and on to Chiquemuli near the Honduran border. From there it would be a short ride across to the ruins of Copàn, and a much needed day of relaxation.
More... + 3 - 1 | § ¶11/26/2005 -- Quetzaltenango
The ride out of San Christóbal was rather bizarre. Perched up in the mountains of Chiapas I had to ride down through the clouds to the border. It could have been any road in the world and it was easy to forget that I was about to leave the relative safety of Mexico that I had become accustomed to. Surprisingly enough though, I wasn't nervous. I think I have finally gotten my travelling legs centered under me and my sense of adventure is being piqued. I looked at the border not as a strange place of armed soldiers and wayward travellers, but more like just another set of hoops I had to jump through to get to Panama.
It really is interesting what you have to go through to get a stamp on a piece of paper...
More... + 1 - 3 | § ¶11/25/2005 -- San Christòbal de las Casas
I'm not sure if I will ever get used to cold showers. They definitely wake you up though, and there is no need for coffee after being assaulted by liquid ice. I had a fairly short ride ahead of me today, only about 150 miles up into the mountains to the colonial town of San Christóbal de las Casas. Shortly after crossing into Chiapas I dismissed my earlier machinations on how to deal with banditos. This state was actually rather upscale and affluent in appearance. The capital city, Tuxtla Gutierez, was clean and modern. They even had little countdown timers on the stoplights so you knew exactly when the light would turn green.
Since I had a light day, and since I failed miserable at running errands in Acapulco, I decided to put my time to use and look for a Honda shop. My rear tire was hanging on admirably, but soon I would be in Central America and I was unsure if I would be able to take good care of the XR once out of Mexico.
More... + 2 - 3 | § ¶11/24/2005 -- Tapanatepec
The bike was running smooth today.
I suppose it could have just beaten me senseless over the last few days, but I guess I wouldn't know the difference anyway. Things were going well today. I left Puerto Escondido at the leisurely hour of 10am with the hopes of covering some 200 miles to Salina Cruz in eastern Oaxaca. It's still amazing how a few nights of good solid rest can give me an overwhelming sense of confidence and well-being. It's also amazing how quickly that feeling deteriorates. I almost feel bi-polar when one minute I think that this trip is futile and senseless, and the next I muse how nothing can stop me from reaching my goal. Luckily, I've gotten good at ignoring most of those notions and I just keep pushing on each day.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/23/2005 -- Puerto Escondido II
A good night's rest did wonders for me. I only awoke at 11am to go pay for another night, then I went right back to bed, all the while enjoying the one movie channel they had in english. In the afternoon I found a local lavateria that would wash my clothes for $2. And since I had no clothes to wear except my swim trunks I was forced to slather up my gringo body with sunscreen and mosey down to the beach. A surfer's paradise indeed! I have never seen 10 foot waves before, nor have I really seen so many surfers in one spot. It was so tempting to brush off Panama altogether and find a way to spend the next month here in Escondido. I would love to know how to surf, especially on waves like this Mexican pipeline.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/22/2005 -- Puerto EscondidoThe drive into Acapulco was not nearly long enough. What a miserable city. Trash everywhere on the highways and taxis that honk incessantly. The whole scene quickly annoyed me. Within 10 minutes of leaving the hotel room in Pie de la Cuesta I had decided to make a halfhearted attempt at the errands I wanted to run while I had access to the amenities that a big city provides. All I wanted to do was to ship some stuff back to the states, maybe buy a mirror for the bike and inquire about a rear tire.
The only good thing about Acapulco is that's where I learned the joys of lane-splitting...
More... + 4 - 1 | § ¶11/21/2001 -- Pie da la CuestaI left a long black stripe, the remnants of my burnout, as I tore out of Playa Azul. Hopefully others will see my warning and head elsewhere. I think my body is finally hardening up to the beating it takes on the XR. I awoke feeling fine and dandy and itching to put some more miles behind me. Today's destination: Pie de la Cuesta.
It is a tiny strip of land between the Pacific and a lagoon and lies just outside of Acapulco. I decided to try and stay there because it is supposed to be cheaper and away from the hustle and bustle of the larger city. And it was only another 250 miles away. Now's the time to really test my endurance.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/20/2005 -- Playa AzulI was excited to get back on the road today. I figured I would continue down the Costalegre and test out my rested body. If I could make the village of Playa Azul, some 250 miles away, I would't feel that bad about wasting the previous day away. This was going to prove to be an interesting challenge.
I've talked before about how nice some of the roads are here in Mexico. I've used all sorts of analogies to try and convey how they appeared to me, but let me say this: The ride into Playa Azul was the most entertaining stretch I've been on yet.
More... + 3 - 2 | § ¶11/19/2005 -- Melaque IIThe good thing about sleeping so late is that you don't have to struggle to fill up your day. The XR had been whining about an oil change so I felt I could manage to take care of that before the sun went down. After the blood transfusion I felt my work was done for the day so I forced myself to laze about the beach and read a few pages in my book.
More... + 2 - 3 | § ¶11/18/2005 -- MelaqueI left Puerto Vallarta in the hopes of finding somewhere to stay on the Costalegre in Jalisco. The plan, such as it was, was to ride until I was tired then find a hotel. The road south of Vallarta was the standard issue Mexican roller coaster. But I began to notice something different now that I was further south and hugging the coast. The insect population had exploded....all over my helmet.
More... + 2 - 4 | § ¶11/17/2005 -- Puerto VallartaMy night in San Blas left me well rested and refreshed. Perhaps my apalling view of Mazatlan was a little harsh because I didn't sleep the night before and was downright ornery towards the world. Puerto Vallarta was only a few hours south, maybe I should give the tourist traps another shot.
I would arrive with plenty of time left in the day to do some sight seeing and would attempt to enjoy this tourist mega hot-spot. Immediately upon pulling into town I noticed something different. No convertible Beetles carrying precious tourists were to be seen anywhere. That's at least one major improvement. The town also seemed cleaner, not that I was that picky after almost 3 weeks in Mexico, but still, something about first impressions. Maybe I could learn to like this.
More... + 3 - 1 | § ¶11/16/2005 -- San BlasI quickly grew tired of Mazatlan. Too many turistas being shuttled back and forth in annoying convertible Beetles to spend their precious dollars on mass-produced crap. I wonder if those sunburned tourists realize that the person driving is not just a "Jose" or "Paco", but is a living breathing human trying to support a beatiful family. Hell, I wonder if the driver realizes that the red-faced tourists are more than just a fat wallet waiting to be pillaged. What a disgusting symbiotic relationship. In such a beatiful locale.
For the second time on this trip I had to say a sorrowful goodbye to dear friends. Unable to say a word for fear of unleashing a stream of tears I watched the suburban carrying my friends disappear over the hill. It will be a long long time until I see another familiar face.
The last 9 days have been amazing, mostly so because of the amazing company. I can't think of a better group of people to spend a vacation with then with Jesse, Michele, Ramse, Carol, Tyler and the locals Carlos, Jose Maria, Canilla and Armando. Well, I can think of a few more people that would have improved the group, but unfortunately they had to work like a bunch of suckers.
Aren't we a beautiful bunch?
I had a fitfull night of sleep last night. A combination of over-excitement and uncomfortable sleeping arrangements on the ferry ensured that I would have to fight for consciousness as I made my way south on the Baja peninsula. But after everything that I had been through so far, I wasn't going to let a lack of sleep slow me down. Now, if I could only find where they sell the Dr. Peppers....
After a motionless night of sleep in Choix I awoke rarin´ to go at about 5am. I was so close to seeing my friends in Baja! I did a rush job packing the bike, fired it up and hit the highway. I was about 60 miles from Las Mochis and nothing but fine blacktop stood in my way. What a difference a day makes!
More... + 1 - 3 | § ¶11/05/2005 -- Choix
I again woke up way too early and I had no idea what I was in for today. It would turn out to be a near disaster and possibly the hardest day of my life. But paradise would not be nearly as enjoyable without going through a little hell.
I now knew which fork to take out of Batopilas and quickly said my goodbyes to Señora Monse and the Belgians. Once again, the XR and I were underway into the mountains of the Barrance del Cobre. I must be getting used to how squirrelly the bike is on loose rocks and gravel, because before I knew it an hour had flown by and I was in the middle of nowhere. In just a few short days I quickly had become accustomed to seeing anything and everything in the middle of any Mexican road: cows, goats, kids....a dishwasher. The last thing I ever would have guessed came flying around a corner so suddenly that I jumped with a fright and nearly dropped the bike. In front of me were 4 atv's complete with riders decked from head to toe in bright racing gear. Surely this was a mirage. They paused only long enough to make sure that they too were not hallucinating and then screamed up the hill I had just come down. Wow, now I really had seen everything in the middle of nowhere.
More... + 2 - 2 | § ¶11/04/2005 -- Batopilas
I woke up at what would normally be the time I would be getting off work and headed downstairs to fill my belly with some wonderful and free breakfast. I had a chat with some Canadiens that were in Creel for the incredible singletracking that it offers to mountain bikers and they began to warn me of the perils I was about to face on the way to Batopilas. Overly steep downhills, tight switchbacks and livestock everywhere. But scenery that did not disappoint. They said they rented a car just for the drive alone and I couldn't wait to witness it firsthand.
More... + 3 - 3 | § ¶11/03/2005 -- CreelI'm safely in Creel, Mexico and man am I exhausted. Somehow I managed to ride that uncomfortable machine for 270 miles today. Actually, it wouldn't have been that bad if I had stopped for something other than gas. But the first leg from the border was boring highway and I was dying to get to the twisties in the mountains. After the autopistas were behind me the ride uphill to Creel did not disappoint. Switchback upon hairpin upon sweeper upon decreasing radius; turn after turn after turn. The XR handled all with aplomb, despite being handicapped with the knobbies. Once the desert lay behind me and the conifer covered mountains beckoned, I had no choice but to man-up and blast to the top. I had heard horror stories of anorexically narrow roads, rabid moto chasing dogs, and overburdoned trucks that can't stay in their lanes, but I had no such luck. I'll leave those exciting tall tales for the next rider up to Creel.
More... + 4 - 4 | § ¶11/02/2005 -- Presidio
Man, if I had to call it quits right now and head back, I would still think that this has been one of the most rewarding vacations of my life. And it's only been 4 days! My doubts and anxiety have swiftly turned into confidence and sheer excitement. I really felt mentally lost that day I left Austin. I'm so thankful that my friend Jon and another riding buddy, Chuck, decided to join me out to Big Bend. That first day was rough, but we quickly settled into a relaxed pace and took 2 full travel days out to the deserts of west Texas. In the last few days I feel that both the bike and I have been put through the 3 major tests that I was really worried about: Rain, Offroad, and Endurance. After last Monday's downpour, riding over 70 miles of backcountry trails in Big Bend, and over 650 miles overall, I feel a newfound trust developing between me and the XR. There's a slight chance we just might make it.
More... + 7 - 4 | § ¶10/30/2005 -- AustinThe day has finally arrived. Man am I nervous. I'm struggling to quiet all of the doubts echoing in my head. I keep telling myself that this will be the trip of a lifetime, but the "what-ifs" are a powerful force to contend with. I can't wait for a few miles to be behind me so I can slip into the comfort zone. Just keep thinking one step at a time. Don't get overwhelmed. You can do this.
It's a little odd to leave on a huge trip and have no one to say goodbye to. No goodbye hugs, no "Good lucks!", no "Be Safes!". Just an empty house to push me towards the unknown. In that respect, at least I'm not leaving much behind. Everything I could want is waiting for me out there in the world.
The bike is prepped, I'm all packed, Panama here I come! There is nothing left to do, but to simply go.
+ 4 - 1 | § ¶10/28/2005
The day of departure is rapidly approaching! I have so much to do, so many loose ends to tie up and no time to do it. At least that's the way it feels. I can't believe how much work, research and planning it's taken to get this far, and at the same time how the last few months have just flown by.
I did a test ride up to Dallas last Tuesday to see my family and just to make sure everything on the bike was the way I wanted it. I have to say, the ride wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Of course it was buzzy, windy and basically 3 hours of general discomfort, but other than that everything was great. I'm glad I had the chance to give things a whirl, not only because I got to hang out with my family, but because I found a few problems that desperately need to be fixed tomorrow.
More... + 2 - 3 | § ¶10/1/2005This website finally seems to be up and running! After hours and hours of frustration and hair pulling, I think I may have most of it figured out. I don't feel too bad, considering I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to webdesign.
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